Why I Didn’t Post on Facebook About My Anniversary

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This year marked my seventh wedding anniversary. It means that my husband and I have successfully avoided killing one another for over nine years. Normally, I’ll post something sweet on Facebook celebrating our anniversary. Those types of posts are rare.

My husband and I don’t often say things over Facebook that we can’t just say to one another. For us, we did that public declaration to one another once: on our wedding day. We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day and prefer to say everything else face to face. The world doesn’t need to see those conversations.

Anniversaries are a little different to me because they are very much like an achievement. I put a lot of work into my marriage, and I am not ashamed to want some recognition for that. My husband could care less, but he doesn’t mind so much when I share.

This year was different, though. Our anniversary didn’t feel celebratory. Instead, it was a whole mix of emotions that I almost didn’t even want to deal with. I felt frustrated and scared and hopeful and angry and loved all in one. To say the last year has been hard would be an understatement.

I’ve watched my husband fall to the depths of despair and slowly start building himself back up again. He’s struggled with depression and anxiety, addiction and recovery. It’s been a hard road, and I am so very proud of him.

But I’m also tired.

This year was almost an, “I made it,” anniversary rather than a, “Look what we did,” anniversary if you know what I mean. It was hard and terrifying. I’ve found a well of strength that I didn’t know I had all while crying to my own mom, “I don’t want to have to be strong anymore.”

We had so many beautiful ups! We welcomed a new baby to our family, our third daughter, and we refinished most of our home together. We watched our oldest get one step closer to teenage-dom and our middle little go through Kindergarten.

We also had a few downs, like when we cried with her as she realized how cruel the world can be sometimes. Or when we said goodbye to Daddy as he left for rehab.

As our seventh wedding anniversary came and went, I found myself reflecting on the last year or two. While I didn’t post a sweet note on Facebook or feel very celebratory, I do feel older and wiser. I think my marriage is stronger, even if we both feel a little broken right now.

I’ve learned more about marriage itself in these last few months than I have in the past few years. I’ve learned more about myself and my husband even. I’ve become a better parent, and I look at other couples around me just a little bit differently now.

I’m certainly not going to jump for joy and say thank you to the universe for sending all the storms my way, but it is through frustration and pain that humans grow and overcome. At the very least, I am grateful for that.

 

Real + raw. Why one blogger didn't post about her wedding anniversary on Facebook. Marriage is hard, and too often social media makes it seem like it's all sunshine and rainbows.

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Comments

    • Stephanie Reyes
    • May 22, 2018
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing this hard but beautiful story, I know that couldn’t have been easy to share. You should be not only proud of your husband but proud of yourself as well for being so strong and sticking it through. So many couples these days do not do that and just give up and get divorced. Your story is very inspiring for those of us who are also going through rough patches at the moment. Happy Anniversary to both of you!

      • Tiffany Barry
      • May 23, 2018

      Thank you so much. I know there are definitely marriages where it would be better to part ways, but I made a vow that as long as the love lasted, I would be by his side. I clung to the glimpses of “him” that I saw through the pain and struggle, and I promised myself that I would be there fighting to get him back as long as I could see him trying. I am so, so proud of him and so bolstered by your kind words. I hope someone else going through the same can draw strength from the knowledge that they are not alone.

    • Angela Killingsworth
    • May 21, 2018
    Reply

    I love this post! Thank you so much Im sure you have helped others too!❤

      • Tiffany Barry
      • May 21, 2018

      Thank you so much, and I’m glad you loved it. I hope my words can help others, too. <3

    • Abby
    • May 21, 2018
    Reply

    Happy anniversary! I can relate to you on so many levels.
    Here’s to 9 more!💫

      • Tiffany Barry
      • May 21, 2018

      Thank you so much! <3 Cheers!

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